When reality hits

September 20th…

It’s crazy how you think once you’ve achieved what you thought impossible. After a few months of working in my dream company, it just doesn’t seem to hold the same value when compared to family. These past few days have made me think whether or not that dream job is really worth being away from my family, from all those I love. Yea I have a “better” life in Miami, but does a life with more luxury really mean better? I don’t know. I really can’t tell. Grandma wants to go. Health wise she’s better, but her spirit is losing hope, she’s losing strength. Complications come and go. But more of them come than the ones that leave, so it’s a ticking bomb waiting to explode,waving us all as casualties of losing her. It’s inevitable but she’s the glue that holds us together, everyone one of us have some traits of her. We’re alike her in some way, though we’re all so different. We are who we are because of her, she either yelled at us for not eating well, not dressing right, not marrying when it seemed fit. She also overlooked our mess and crazy because she loved us. We’re her biggest treasure, and in her suffering all she wants is to have us ll around her. She wants the bunch s she so asked two days ago. Through her pain, her suffering, her lack of connect, she had enough understanding to ask for us, because she wanted us beside her.

I realize I’ve learned to live without my family and therefore learned not to miss them, but oh how I’ve enjoyed these days. How can I go back and still have them? It makes it hard, the comfort doesn’t make up for the love. I’d stay and let go of everything just to never forget to miss them, to appreciate them, to love them. It’s not the time, but who knows except for God. All I know is that I’m not the same, I’m changing and hopefully for the best