So the other day I started a game and doubted myself to know the answer, only to choose the wrong one and the right one was my original option.
Then it happened a second time.
By the third time, I decided to not question myself and ended up getting 4 of the 6 crowns in one turn. I landed everywhere and only lost when I decided to answer too quickly and didn’t really analyze the question.
I thought to myself “how silly… Doubting yourself only caused you to fail… Stop second-guessing yourself!. It actually took me longer to say that to myself, than it did to win the game.
Now trivia crack is nothing but a game, so nothing happens except for a little ego bruising and the death of my battery. But how many of us treat life the same? How often do we second-guess ourselves in every aspect of our lives? For YEARS, and I mean YEARS I disnt trust myself to make good decisions. It was so bad that i became completely dependent on what others said about me. My mistakes had created in me an inability to trust anything and everything in me.
It affected my relationship with God, family and everyone around me. And it helped no one, not even me. I wanted to break free so bad but I knew it would cause rupture and I would lost a lot of people I cared about, and possibly all.
Who do you think is benefiting from doubting yourself?
No one! Not even you! If anything you’re only hurting yourself. Depending on others is telling yourself “you are not to be trusted, you can’t make good decisions, is best to leave your future in the hands of others because you’ve resulted to be unreliable”. How dare you think and speak to yourself like that! And that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re silencing the voice of God inside of you be trusting the humanity of those around you.
I get it. Your past mistakes, heartaches, disappointments have gotten you there. Been there, done that, planted the flag, got the Tshirt and bought souvenirs on the way back. But you don’t have to.
Depending on others and not trusting yourself is not trusting you, nor trusting God, and it’s not fair to either of you. But you can change that.
It has taken me so long to get here, but I’m finally in a different head space. Im walking this season alone, not because I don’t have friends I love and care about, not because I’ve decided to part ways with God or my home church. I’m walking alone because it’s time I tell myself “you’re smart, you have God’s wisdom in you, you are loved and saved and creates for greatness. You’re going to mess up and make mistakes and your heart might be broken again. But you have a Dad who loves you beyond all of that, and you can learn to love yourself like that. You can learn to love your mistakes and your flaws and all that makes you YOUnique. This time you won’t fight for others, this time you’re fighting for yourself.”
Fight to love yourself, regain control of your life because only then will you be able to give that control to God. You cannot give what you don’t have. If you’re seeking the approval of others, if you trust their decision-making as opposed to yours, if you’re constantly waiting for others to rescue you, you don’t have control of your life and neither does God. He never intended for you to depend on others to speak into your life.
He can do it all for you, you only need to trust that He’s working IN, WITH, FOR, and BECAUSE of YOU.